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 While I am starting to throw away stuff I (hopefully ) won't need anymore because I didn't use any of it since about forever, that means I'm also in a massive reviewing phase of the last year.

So, here are my personal awards for the Whatever of the Year:

Book of the Year
_Goes to two books: First is Eragon, I believe. Even though it gets a major thumbs down for being finished now. And second is "Die kleine Hexe" which I rediscovered. Great!

Movie of the Year
_Princess Mononoke. It is one of the most beautiful films I have ever watched and also one of the very best. Although it is quite sad, coming to think that it is already 14 years old. Well, I discover some things late...

Album of the Year
_Clear winner in this category is Imaginaerium. If you had told me a month ago I wouldn't have believed it because even though there have always been some Nightwish songs which are larger than light, I was never capable of taking Nightwish seriously enough on album length before. Congratulations! I wasn't so struck since the last Avantasia-release. Or maybe even since I got all hyped about The Scarecrow. Which leads us to

Song of the Year
_I can't decide. Maybe it goes to The Crow, the Owl and the Dove. Or Song of Myself. Hmmm.

Show of the Year
_Edguy. Wins at large scale. Apparently, I was at quite a number of concerts this year (as I recently found out ). All were great in their own ways, some, like Elbow, bordering on fantastic. But Edguy simply feature one of my #1 singers of all time. No discussion.

Discovery of the year
_Bellydance. No doubt about it.

Inspiration of the Year
_Several persons have to share this award:. First place goes to Isa, my usual artistic and sophisticated friend, who rocks big time, then we also have certain inspirational writers, singers etc (see above). Dancers go in here for the first time as well, Ms Brice, to name only one.

 Journey of the Year
_I had quite a few nice short trips. But the clear winner are of course my 3 weeks in Argentina. No doubt. Everything from seeing my oldest friend (not counting Isa's and my kindergarten-friendship) again, over beeing as silly as you can only get when 3 weeks of nonstop-silliness build up on top of each other, travelling roughly 5,600km on coach, seeing the gargantuam waterfalls of Iguazú, the jungle, majestic whale-mothers playing with their calfs in a crystal-blue ocean, admiring the creativity of the artesanas, the courtesy and friendliness of the people and being on the road for such long time, to seeing simply beautiful landscapes and finding myself above the clouds for the first time in my life, was great in an absolutely crazy way. I'll never forget this experience.

Concept of the year
_Spontaneity. Empties my wallet. Deprives me of sleep sometimes. CAN be overdone. But is the best thing if you want to experience more stuff, get to know more people and see more...

Note: Some things exist that are award-worthy but not possibly categorisable. Also, there could be awards for negative stuff.  But I have no inclination, whatsoever, to emphasize on that.

13.12.11 20:05


Es ist wirklich Dezember. Unfassbar, aber wirklich schon wahr. Und wie immer dieses Jahr wird auch der Dezember anders. Er ist jetzt schon anders. Alle verändern sich. Auch ich. Und das ist wunderbar. Und tut nur manchmal ein bisschen weh. Als ich meine Karte für dieses Jahr gezogen hab (an Samhain) war es die Grüne Frau, die mir sagte, dass dieses Jahr ein Jahr voll Wachstum sein wird. Und jetzt spricht "She of the Cruach" zu mir. Ein wunderbares Wesen, dessen Bildnis immer an meinem Bildschirm lehnt, auf meinem Nachttisch liegt und mich verzaubert. Und während mir die Weihnachtszeit immer egaler wird und ich mich vom Rhythmus der Jahreszeiten verzaubern lasse und dem Gefühl, dass ich dazugehöre, ein Rädchen im Werk und ein Gefäß für die Energie, die es überall gibt, lerne ich, dass man niemals seinen Körper vernachlässigen sollte und dass man aufhören sollte nach Ausflüchten zu suchen, dafür, warum man nicht tut, was gut ist. Darin bin ich nämlich talentiert. Also, an die Arbeit!
1.12.11 14:15


Time passed in a way she had no feeling for. The hurt did not lessen and she was unable to think properly.

After a time that seemed like ages or seconds, she felt something lukewarm on her legs, the touch of which was like a shock and she sighed in surprise.

"Try not to move. This will take the pain away. Hopefully."

As she dared to open her eyes, she saw a faint twilight. She was barely able to perceive his featrues as he was bent over her, apparently wrapping her legs in a smooth paste that eased her pain almost immediately. When he was finished, he sat back cross-legged at her side, mustering her. Then he got up and fetched a mug of cold water, that she gulped down at one draw.
She felt eased and fell back on her bed of moss to embrace the comfort of thoughtless sleep.

When she awoke again the pain was gone now replaced by a faint itching. She was feeling sleepy and unable to face the waking world so she lay still, eyes closed, listening intently instead. For a while only the sounds of singing birds, dripping water and the wind outside came to her ears. It made her feel safe and welcome, especially the steady dripping of water. Being close to water always made her comfortable and calm.

Thus, it was disturbing to hear two voices approaching, apparently arguing. One of the voices belonged to him, her strange companion with the broken mirror and the fiery, tormented eyes.

"What are you insinuating? That I knew all these things? I merely took her with me because I felt that Life had sent me a companion, a fairy to see the shades in the mirror. And now you tell me that she and I are bound together? That we sealed a pact in the fire? I did not know any of this. When I gave her my hands I acted unconsciously."

"Stop fooling yourself. You saw from the beginning the she is your opposite: You yourself told me you perceived the water and the earth in her."

"I even told her."

"What? You told her? And you want me to think you did not see the fatefulness of it all. I'm sorry but go tell that to old Faun Quelthir down the river. You are bound to her now. What do you expect? How can you exchange your energies in a burning fire and not be connected? You know how fire seals pacts. Everything is connected but what you have just done is more than a thought, a touch or a kiss. If you had lain with her the pact would be weaker."

"Well, I see that. I understand. But what now? How do we live now? Are we supposed to live as mates? You know how I cannot do that. I don't know if she wants me. Maybe she does, I have seen in her eyes that she is moved by me. But it is impossible for me."

"If you are unable to become her lover it follows that it is not required. Nothing is right that feels wrong. You spend too much time with humans, my friend."

Now they had reached the entrance to the cave. They were silent as they moved in. Strangely, she could only hear the footsteps of two feet.

"You are awake. Open your eyes please" the other person said in their smooth voice. When she opened them, the cave was illuminated by a pale light from the outside and a few candles in the middle. She saw him kneeling next to her, a worried expression on his face and on his shoulder sat a crow.

"Ah, there's a fairy!" the crow frolicked and jumped down to the ground in front of her nose. It bent its head to the right and looked into her eyes. She saw that the crow had a blind spot on its forehead where the third-eye was. It was of a blueish white and looking at those three eyes was irresistably hypnotizing.

She was beginning to see stars in them and losing track in the endless depths of the space in the crow's mind (or so it seemed to her). Suddenly the crow stepped back.

"This, my friend, makes me happy. I hope now you see that everything happens for a reason and be the best companion you can be to this admirable creature. It is the way of life that you become intertwined with the destinies of others. And unlike many others I have known, this is a benign bond between two old souls who are resonating well. If it was forged on instinct only, so much the better. I will take my leave now. I am called to my duty elsewhere."

With that, the crow flapped its wings three times, took off and left.

27.11.11 14:18


Everything is different this year: November was one of the most beautiful months ever. Not just weather-wise. Everything is rising up to the top of its abilities. I am feeling it so intensely... Incredible.

Also, Christmas is already getting on my nerves. Oh dear! I'm beginning to hate Christmas Markets with a passion. All this artificial light, the music and the smells - I never cared about it. But this year they bug me. Christmas feels phonier every year, so now this feeling has reached it's temporary peak. I really wish we could all just celebrate Lurlennas.

What's more, for the first time in ages, my back is not constantly aching because of sitting too much, but because of all the workout. And though that is great to know, I think I shall have to squeeze Yoga into my workout-plan again because my poor shoulders and ribcage are not used to being used so much But let's be honest - I love this feeling!  Train hard - feel good, was that the slogan?

24.11.11 11:08


If nothing else you simply have to respect Ciara for her capability as a dancer. Talk about backbends. This video is simply cool. Period.
19.11.11 16:32


Actually I am far too tired to write anything of sense here now. But I have to note this down for me: I'm dancing. Yes. And you better believe it has me not walking in the air but my feet on the ground, firmly and steadily. A kind of bummer, actually, to think I always knew I wanted to do this but never started until now. It makes me feel happy, puts a smile on my face, when I think about it and while I'm doing it it makes me lose track of time and enjoy the moment so much that I want it to last forever. I think I'm in love. Yes. And I won't let this slip away. I will hold on to it and never let go.
16.11.11 23:55


November thoughts

What keeps me constantly wondering is what REALLY keeps us from living up to our dreams and our potential. I read a lot on this subject but I can't shake off the feeling that other people have less to do with it than we think. And also in a way more than we can imagine. What I mean is this: (We're not talking extreme situations like captivity and extremely poor circumstances or political situation here) The only person that can keep you away from being who you want to be is yourself. So far most people would agree. But why in the world are we all spending so much energy on holding back ourselves then? Because, quite frankly, many of us do. And here the others do come in. What is usually said is that we usually are afraid to go out and do what's right for us because we are afraid of what others might think.

Now, I don't necessarily agree on this. Maybe that only applies to me but somehow I feel that I'm afraid of the process itself. Because the person you would become if you dared to make your move would feel different from what you are now. And change is something I used to be absolutely terrified of.

Also, it takes some effort to get rid of the stuff that's pulling you down. You'd have to do this. And I know what I am talking about: I am the mistress of procrastination These things, as downward-leading as they may be, become comfortable to us. We know them. We can wrap ourselves in their comfortingly familiar misery.

But for this new year, that is about to come on Monday (the Wicca New Year, mind you) I have made a commitment to do whatever it takes. I've already tried, I'm on my way, and I've caught glimpses of what it feels like to be the me I want to be. And that means I have to face my lazyness, look my fear right into the eyes, acknowledge they are there and then embrace them, and move on.

Therefore, November will from now on be the month of new beginnings for me. The month where the magick happens. I think that November is the witching month. Which month could be more perfect? And not only because I'm a lot more of a Scorpio than someone with a Gemini Sun should be

2.11.11 12:42


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